Do you like poems? You’ll like this one – it’s rude, in a very clever way. I found it hand-written on a scrap of paper in an old book. The writing looked like my grandad’s – I wouldn’t be surprised if it originated from his army days.
I’ve no idea who it’s written by originally. But here it is. Enjoy.
Those portions of a woman which appeal to men’s depravity,
Are constructed with considerable care,
And what at first appears to be a simple little cavity,
Is really an elaborate affair,
Now doctors who have troubled to examine the phenomena,
In numerous experimental dames,
Have made a little list of things in feminine abdomena,
And called them all delightful little names,
There’s the vulva, the vagina and the jolly old perineum,
And the hymen, in the case of certain brides,
And a host of little things you would love if you could see them,
The clitoris, and god-knows what besides.
Now is it not a pity when the common people chatter
Of the mysteries to which I have referred,
That we use for such a delicate and complicated matter
Such a short and unattractive little word.
Now eminent professors who examine the geography
Of this obscure but interesting land,
Are able to indulge their taste for intimate topography,
And view the scenic details close at hand.
But we ordinary mortals, whilst aware of the existence
Of complexities beneath the human knoll
Are normally content to view them at a distance
And treat them roughly speaking as a whole.
When we probe into the mysteries of virginity,
We exercise the simple sense of touch,
We do not cloud the issue with meticulous lativity
But call the whole affair a such-and-such.
Now men have made this useful but inelegant commodity
The subject of innumerable jibes
And while the name they call it is something of an oddity,
It seems to fit the object it describes.